RBOFFO

Why is it that it seems like so much effort to come here to type? It's not like I haven't thought about posts, it's just somehow clicking on the link and typing can just seem like way more effort than just hitting refresh on facebook.

Anyway, today my contribution to helping us pack is by helping reduce the backlog of Mike's Hard Lemonade we've had in the fridge for I don't know how long. Course, this seems to be my regular contribution as I've also been trying to reduce our overall liquor collection - single handedly.

 

Seems I feel like no one completely understands the stress of relocating even if it is for your dream job. Sure, I'm excited to be moving to Dream State but the wide, wide range of variables that I have to knock down between then and now make me feel like I am drowning.

 

So here's my random bullets of freaking the fuck out:

• Finding a place that meets my initial criteria within a reasonable distance from public transportation and at a reasonable monthly cost.
• Getting everything packed. Even though PC will be here for several months after I relocate and will be in charge of the final move, I don't fully feel comfortable putting the boxes firmly in his hands.
• Scheduling flights from Dream State to Current State for our annual big trip only 3 weeks after I move to Dream State. Scheduling flights from Current State to annual trip location which happens to be a small island off of South America with few flights in and out.
• Figuring out how to change states of residence. Part of me has been thinking I have time to figure this out, but I report to work the day after I arrive and have to do all those new hire packets that require identification, etc etc.
• Figuring out how to change insurance on the cars, my house as an official rental. Doing other random state things with my car which I only have an inkling that there's something to do, but not what to do.
• Car or no car since parking is not free and one of the places I'm considering is a block from the metro and within blocks of a zipcar hub. I've never used zip cars myself, but PC's sister used it when we visited her last year. If no car, arranging flight to Dream State the weekend before I report to work.
• Facing the very real aloneness of moving to a new city, to a new job, and no real friends in the city. Well, ok some friends. But, no friends that I can admit just how freaking scared I am - old friend from when I lived in Dream City for internship, old friend from Masters Degree School who's interested in me both from a romantic and professional perspective, high school friend whom I haven't seen since we graduated.
• Not knowing how long it will take for PC to get a job and be ready to move. Thanksgiving? Christmas? Will I be flying to his parents house alone and meeting him there? New Years?
• Stress leading to arguments that may be purely due to stress, due to real problems, due to my focusing issues that are not deal breakers but feel like it because my ability to cope is limited, due to warning signs, due to my fear of commitment. All I know is the arguing has flared to near daily.
• Missing current friends in advance. Knowing current friends claiming to come to visit, will likely never visit. Fixing current friendships that have gone into disrepair, but knowing that by moving away the fix will likely not stick and therefore wondering if it's worth the effort.
• Being annoyed with the fact I can't announce my move and new job publicly because of the potential effect it will have on PC's current job. Wondering if the potential effect is real or imagined. Especially annoyed because I can't really have going-away parties if no one knows I am going away. And, I like the idea of seeing the real jealousies of my amazing opportunity in some of my colleagues from school. I know that sounds awful, but I'm thinking the jealousy might make me feel better about my own fears.
• Trying to sell our stuff. Seriously, so much stuff. And really, selling is hard work. Ok, maybe not hard but super time consuming.

 

Talking to renter at my place to discuss my move and whether they plan to renew or not.

 

I'm sure there's more but want to get started on entering recipes on myrecipes.com so I can get rid of some of the paper clutter in my office.

Holy crap...

...I got it!!!

Negotiations

Since today is supposed to be the day I'm finding out if I'm being extended the offer to Dream State job, I've been thinking a lot about what I want in the form of compensation. I know that many people go the approach of "I want X". I also know that if I was on the receiving end of that statement, I'd scrunch my face at the person and begin to question my extending them the offer.

In order to not be that person, I've considered both what I want and why.

I want a particular minimum salary. Though it's not an employers' problem what it costs me to live, I thought this amount out so I know that I can afford to live in Dream State. It accounts for my local mortgage (should my renters move out), rent in Dream State (which is twice current mortgage), student loan payments, basic utilities, and my typical credit card bill.

Along with this particular salary comes an organizational status. Since status is important for my credibility to those I'll be working with (per my interviewers), I can't decide whether to focus on the dollar amount or the status. Either way, I'll be arguing based on my experience - not things that could be perceived as superficial to the organization like cost of living and credibility.

Up front they've said they will support my attending my industry's annual conference. In order to attend, I must be a member. In order to be a member, I have to be a member of another related society. And, there's another society that is super related to Dream State job that I'd never pay for personally. However, I would like to ask for membership to be paid for both (all three seems greedy). All in all, only a $400 request.

Related to attending the conference already mentioned (considering registration, hotel, flight, per diem), I'd like to attend one additional conference of my choice annually. Probably more of a $3000 request for both.

What do you consider fair game in negotiations?

(In this type of an organization, vacation days and sick days are non-negotiable. Trust me, I've tried with current job)

Stress

I don't know what's more stressful.

The continued buildup of blog posts from everyone that I can't seem to get through (seriously, shorter novels there folks) or the fact I cannot find my passport and scuba dive card to be able to book my flights for two months from now or the fact that somewhere between tomorrow and Friday I should know if I'm moving to Dream State.

In love

Second interview in Dream State yesterday. As I was climbing into bed out of pure exhaustion last night, it was weird to think that I'd traveled across the country (vertically, not horizontally) and back in a day.

Generally, I think it went well. I don't think I'm in love with the new supervisor, but I liked supervisor's supervisor, and super super supervisor.

I'm in love with the location - only a block from a major site and the most gorgeous gardens that scream "have lunch here!!!" And more importantly, I am in love with the job - in love in the sense that it's a text-book disaster that will provide years and years of things for me to work on.

As I was running this morning, I was kind of reflecting on yesterday. What I learned. What I saw. What I heard. What I said (damn internal critical monologue).

In sum, what makes me nervous about the job is:

I get the feeling it's kind of like when someone has gone through a bad break up, thinks they really want to be in a new relationship but isn't ready, and so when they date (i.e., interview) they ask all the questions they thought would have prevented the first breakup, and just turn out being seen as bitter by their date. I get a strong sense of hurt, disappointment, and fear around the person's decisions to leave who I'd be replacing.

My gut says yellow. My heart says green. My sense of risk avoidance says orange (more because of cost and effort to relocate).

And PC? Well, he's taken a first step towards finding new work in Dream State. Many more steps to go - but I'm proud of him nonetheless.

One in a million?

First, let me say, thank God for the preparation. Seriously, I woulda screwed that one up.

Second, let me just say, I just rocked that interview. I accidentally answered things that turned out to be exactly what they were looking for.

Me: "So, as I was saying I love cucumbers."
Them: "We have so many cucumbers here, we don't know what to do with them!"

The job sounds perfect. It's in Dream State. The conversation about how quickly I can move came up. Wanting to give my current projects time to finish, give PC some time to look for work and someone to rent his place (or sell it), us to pack up and move...I asked for two months. Which, is kind of like really three months when you consider that we have our annual week and a half vacation coming up in the month I'd theoretically start.

I have no concept of whether we can do this in two to three months and be ready to report to work.

I'm in full force ignore-that-I-will-leave-all-my-friends-behind as well.  Other things I'm currently supressing...we won't go there.

Hoping, hoping, hoping this is my one-in-a-million chances and I get it.

Preparation is apparently key

Huh, I don't think I thought about preparing for this phone interview. I think I figured - well, based on the 5 minute description of what they are looking for and rereading my answers to the on-line application...I'm perfect. In fact, most of time has been spent looking at apartments in Dream State, discussing how PC and I were going to swing two mortgages in Current State, and how soon I could start.

Thankfully, a few close friends at work asked me what I planned to answer to particular questions. Then, I started reading common answers to those types of questions. Which, logically led to me reading articles about phone interviews - which it turns out seem to be becoming more heavily weighed than in the past. And, I don't know why I hadn't considered that given that it is out of Current State so the decision to do a face-to-face for either party (me or them) will be more seriously considered than if I was walking down the street. But alas, at least it isn't too late. I still have time to prepare.

Reviewing my resume. Reviewing my answers to the online application (thankfully I saved a copy). Seeing if I can find anything online about the company (so far, pretty limited). And, preparing some common answers about:

Why this job?
Why not current job?
Where do I want to be in 5 years?
What's my weakness?
Why hire me?

Aside from this sounding like my dream job....I've gotta admit that after two reprimands today about things that are completely stupid...I can't wait to get out of this environment and into one where at least the work is rewarding.

Holy ship

I have a job interview in Dream State.

Which is a nice change for the 4 rejections I got for one of the other jobs I applied to around the same time. Apparently they'd wanted to make it abundantly clear that they really didn't want me.

Anyway, the news was especially good, what with it being PCs birthday and we were still on vacation for me to get the call. The entire day we spent talking about all the exciting things we'll do in Dream State.

Since we've been home, the reality of the pain in the ass it will be to relocate has been inching in.

I'm trying to ignore it.

Like playing the lottery

Since I threw my hat in the ring, I have to say I've been a little bit excited. Just the thought that I might get a job doing something that is so much closer to what I went to school to do - while maintaining all the positive aspects of my current job (aside from most likely the awesomest boss in the world). At this point, I don't think it even matters if I get the job*, I'm just enjoying basking in the glow of possibilities.

Oh, and the possibility of relocating to Dream State.

Kind of like what I hear playing the lottery is like - the ability to dream about what you'd do with the money if you won is worth the $1 you spent on the ticket.

Except, I spent 9 hours of sick time and $15 in faxing my educational evidence. And, if I won the lottery I'd make more money than at any of the jobs I applied to, and I'd have to work at the job that paid less than winning the lottery...perhaps I should reevaluate this whole job vs lottery thing...

*I can say this safely on this side of hearing they don't want me. If I get a rejection, which is highly probable given the competition for the type of work I'm trying to do, I will probably be depressed for a while.

Three down

I know you know this already, but I'm going to say it anyway.

Applying for jobs is a real pain in the arse. Seriously. I think I've spent easily 15 hours in the last 2 days looking for openings and applying to three of them. Fully 8 hours today (called in sick, oops), and I still have to go find somewhere to fax my damn educational evidence.

I'm exhausted to the point that by the time I got to the fourth application (today is the last day to apply to it), I actually looked for reasons I probably wouldn't get the job so I could have a good reason to not apply. I rationalized that this particular industry is one where they're all like, "Oh, 1 day short of the 1 year experience requirement? Out!"

So yeah. Perhaps I will get a few calls out of this. One is in current city, and two are in dream city.

Current city job would be AMAZING. At least on paper it looks like it.

Course, current job looks like an amazing job on paper too. But, I digress.

One of the dream city jobs took the longest to apply - 5 pages of a word document worth of online responses to their first batch of questions.  By the time I got to the end of the questions, I couldn't remember what the job was for, but I think I answered the questions so well that they'd HAVE to call me. At least I convinced me I was amazing.

I looked back at the job ad, and while I think I sort of know what they'd want me to do, I pretty much am relying on the fact they mentioned my particular field (which isn't mentioned or understood well in this industry) several times.

And last job - well, I think it would be fun and it is in my dream city, but I think the application process was so easy relative to the other two - that I feel a little less excited about it. Don't get me wrong - this is not an urge to get application process designers to increase level of difficulty. In fact quite the opposite.

I wonder if the application process is out of laziness of the reviewers so fewer people actually apply (instead of the research that suggests that applicants the persevere through multiple job hurdles may be more persistent and have higher performance.

Sell out

I've been having these thoughts for about a month. And for the same month, I've been trying to put my finger on what the thoughts meant in the larger scheme of things.

In short, I think I've been selling myself out.

What does that mean?

Well, I went to grad school and sacrificed for 9 long years. I sacrificed my social life, my mental and physical well being, my pride, the opportunity to be debt free, a work history longer than 3 years at the age of 33, and so many other intangible things. I sacrificed willingly.

I did so because I never once wanted someone to say no to me because my education or credentials didn't match up with some amazing job I wanted. I did so because I wanted an enviable, powerful, great paying job that took me around the world (I'd bring that down a couple notches now). I also did so because I'd had so many horrible experiences in my work-life that I wanted to make things better.

A little less than a year ago, unhappy with my current job, I applied to what I thought was my dream job. The current job being one that paid the bills. The current one being one that seemed great on paper, but just wasn't what I look forward to getting up for in the morning. And, for me, I went to school and sacrificed so that I didn't have to suffer through whatever I could find. So, nearly a year ago, in a sad depressed 'I have to get out of here' state of mind, I applied out.

I was rejected. Rejected not for a lack of skill or credentials, but for a piece of red tape that was truly unfair in my case. I nearly quit my job that day, because it was my current job that made me ineligible for my dream job.

Eventually, I worked through my emotions and actually came to find my supervisor was willing to work with me to expand my role into things I found more interesting. And, as I gained tenure in the organization, I found that there are benefits to my current job that just can't be found elsewhere. My satisfaction, oddly enough, increased.

And that, my bloggy friends, is about the time I sold me out. I sold my dreams for vacation time and a flexible schedule and security of maintaining a job that was ok. It is ok. And, perhaps my sacrifice all those years earned me the ability to pull down a job such as this. But, everyday I lust after the jobs of my classmates and friends, knowing that they secretly probably hate their jobs as well.

Perhaps it is stupid. Perhaps I will regret it. But, when I think of spending another year at my current organization, getting further and further away for the work that I love, becoming increasingly irrelevant in my areas of interest, I get scared. I get scared when I think that a year from now I may be even more apathetic and even less likely to try to bust out.

And so, with months of thought and debate, I went ahead and applied to a job that I would love in a state that I would love*.  Which explains my post from yesterday. I think with my application filling-out approach, I may have self-handicapped my likelihood of actually being considered for said job - but at least I have taken a baby step towards being a little more true to me.

*Yes, PC knows of the potential move and has been looking for work in the same area. We've discussed at a high level how we'd handle our living/housing situation here locally. So yes, he'd be coming with me.

Feels like cheating

I know that there's new gadgets used by recruiters for identifying key words from a resume to reduce the number or resumes that they have to look for in a quick and efficient way. But, that doesn't make me feel any less like I'm cheating when I rewrite a resume to include the very same words in the hope I won't get cut out of the initial swipe.

I also don't understand why organizations are able to ask what your prior salary was. I mean I get that they are probably looking for a range of what you're willing to take. But, in this situation when I'm looking in another (more expensive) city, I'm not willing to take less that 20k more that my current salary. So, I entered my salary requirements because it offered a range, but did not enter the start/ending pay ranges for my prior jobs.

Hoping that doesn't get me knocked out either...