RBOFFO

Why is it that it seems like so much effort to come here to type? It's not like I haven't thought about posts, it's just somehow clicking on the link and typing can just seem like way more effort than just hitting refresh on facebook.

Anyway, today my contribution to helping us pack is by helping reduce the backlog of Mike's Hard Lemonade we've had in the fridge for I don't know how long. Course, this seems to be my regular contribution as I've also been trying to reduce our overall liquor collection - single handedly.

 

Seems I feel like no one completely understands the stress of relocating even if it is for your dream job. Sure, I'm excited to be moving to Dream State but the wide, wide range of variables that I have to knock down between then and now make me feel like I am drowning.

 

So here's my random bullets of freaking the fuck out:

• Finding a place that meets my initial criteria within a reasonable distance from public transportation and at a reasonable monthly cost.
• Getting everything packed. Even though PC will be here for several months after I relocate and will be in charge of the final move, I don't fully feel comfortable putting the boxes firmly in his hands.
• Scheduling flights from Dream State to Current State for our annual big trip only 3 weeks after I move to Dream State. Scheduling flights from Current State to annual trip location which happens to be a small island off of South America with few flights in and out.
• Figuring out how to change states of residence. Part of me has been thinking I have time to figure this out, but I report to work the day after I arrive and have to do all those new hire packets that require identification, etc etc.
• Figuring out how to change insurance on the cars, my house as an official rental. Doing other random state things with my car which I only have an inkling that there's something to do, but not what to do.
• Car or no car since parking is not free and one of the places I'm considering is a block from the metro and within blocks of a zipcar hub. I've never used zip cars myself, but PC's sister used it when we visited her last year. If no car, arranging flight to Dream State the weekend before I report to work.
• Facing the very real aloneness of moving to a new city, to a new job, and no real friends in the city. Well, ok some friends. But, no friends that I can admit just how freaking scared I am - old friend from when I lived in Dream City for internship, old friend from Masters Degree School who's interested in me both from a romantic and professional perspective, high school friend whom I haven't seen since we graduated.
• Not knowing how long it will take for PC to get a job and be ready to move. Thanksgiving? Christmas? Will I be flying to his parents house alone and meeting him there? New Years?
• Stress leading to arguments that may be purely due to stress, due to real problems, due to my focusing issues that are not deal breakers but feel like it because my ability to cope is limited, due to warning signs, due to my fear of commitment. All I know is the arguing has flared to near daily.
• Missing current friends in advance. Knowing current friends claiming to come to visit, will likely never visit. Fixing current friendships that have gone into disrepair, but knowing that by moving away the fix will likely not stick and therefore wondering if it's worth the effort.
• Being annoyed with the fact I can't announce my move and new job publicly because of the potential effect it will have on PC's current job. Wondering if the potential effect is real or imagined. Especially annoyed because I can't really have going-away parties if no one knows I am going away. And, I like the idea of seeing the real jealousies of my amazing opportunity in some of my colleagues from school. I know that sounds awful, but I'm thinking the jealousy might make me feel better about my own fears.
• Trying to sell our stuff. Seriously, so much stuff. And really, selling is hard work. Ok, maybe not hard but super time consuming.

 

Talking to renter at my place to discuss my move and whether they plan to renew or not.

 

I'm sure there's more but want to get started on entering recipes on myrecipes.com so I can get rid of some of the paper clutter in my office.

Virtually minimizing

Now that the job is secured, notice has been given, and the fact that I will be moving in t-minus one month, I've begun doing what's been called a virtual garage sale.

Lord knows it's too freaking hot outside to get $1 for your bedroom set.

Instead, I've been taking pictures of things and posting them on our internal work listserve. It's actually been working pretty well, though a bit slower than just putting it all out on the front lawn. Yesterday was a zillion and one pictures of the kitchen stuff like mugs, place settings, crock pots, etc that we don't use and won't have room for when we cut our space down to half we currently have.

Speaking of a bedroom set, we have that and a monstrous humidor that PC thought would be cool to buy but with no actual plan to use (think 10 ft tall by 15 ft long) that just wasn't getting any bites on the work listserve. So, I resorted to Craig's List.

A little history of me and Craig's List (CL). I only discovered the website a few years back when I briefly relocated for an internship. Seems that area of the country uses it quite a bit. I rented a room with reasonable success for 6 months (the stories I could tell you about that experience) and used it to build a social circle through book clubs and women's dinner meetings.

Recently I'd heard a horrible story about a couple that was robbed via CL (and husband was killed), when trying to sell a diamond ring.

Should people sell diamond rings online via something like CL? I don't know, but where is the line of things it is ok to sell/buy from CL? And, are bedroom sets and humidors on that line?

Fast forward to current day. First, I am seeking temporary housing in Dream State until PC can find work. Safe to use CL? Not safe? I don't know anymore. But I do know the difference between doing a furnished condo in Dream State through CL versus renting directly with a 6 month lease or month to month is the difference around $500+ a  month. Second, I'm using CL to sell previously mentioned bedroom set and humidor.

Yesterday, we had a buyer come to see the humidor.

Can I just tell you how freaked out I was that the guy might just be coming to kill us or rob us?

Ah, the tenuous balance between getting reasonable money for your furniture and not ending up dead.

Ultimately, the guy bought the humidor for about $500 less than we'd listed it, but I figure that's a reasonable trade-off for letting us live. Um, I mean, not having to move it to Dream State.

Today, someone is considering coming to see the bedroom set.

Wish us luck!

Holy crap...

...I got it!!!

Negotiations

Since today is supposed to be the day I'm finding out if I'm being extended the offer to Dream State job, I've been thinking a lot about what I want in the form of compensation. I know that many people go the approach of "I want X". I also know that if I was on the receiving end of that statement, I'd scrunch my face at the person and begin to question my extending them the offer.

In order to not be that person, I've considered both what I want and why.

I want a particular minimum salary. Though it's not an employers' problem what it costs me to live, I thought this amount out so I know that I can afford to live in Dream State. It accounts for my local mortgage (should my renters move out), rent in Dream State (which is twice current mortgage), student loan payments, basic utilities, and my typical credit card bill.

Along with this particular salary comes an organizational status. Since status is important for my credibility to those I'll be working with (per my interviewers), I can't decide whether to focus on the dollar amount or the status. Either way, I'll be arguing based on my experience - not things that could be perceived as superficial to the organization like cost of living and credibility.

Up front they've said they will support my attending my industry's annual conference. In order to attend, I must be a member. In order to be a member, I have to be a member of another related society. And, there's another society that is super related to Dream State job that I'd never pay for personally. However, I would like to ask for membership to be paid for both (all three seems greedy). All in all, only a $400 request.

Related to attending the conference already mentioned (considering registration, hotel, flight, per diem), I'd like to attend one additional conference of my choice annually. Probably more of a $3000 request for both.

What do you consider fair game in negotiations?

(In this type of an organization, vacation days and sick days are non-negotiable. Trust me, I've tried with current job)

Stress

I don't know what's more stressful.

The continued buildup of blog posts from everyone that I can't seem to get through (seriously, shorter novels there folks) or the fact I cannot find my passport and scuba dive card to be able to book my flights for two months from now or the fact that somewhere between tomorrow and Friday I should know if I'm moving to Dream State.

Better than a PR

I ran my first 5k by myself this weekend.

Well, not completely by myself. As in, there were 3 other girls and a couple that ran it as well partially upon my request.

But, it was the first time I ran it without making a pact to run with whomever was with me until the very end. No matter how fast or slow the other was, we were finishing together.

This was hard thing for me to do given that I do the 5ks not for any time goals, but rather as a social means of making me get up most mornings to run. Besides, it's nearly impossible to lose if you're running together. Being someone rather performance oriented, I'm always thinking about the win-lose component...even if we claim not to be keeping score.

That being said, as we started off the 5k, I stuck with as many of the people I knew as I could.

One I'd run with before. One I didn't think trained at all and probably wouldn't have the stamina to go very long. And one, well...let's just say I didn't say.

When the one I'd been most inclined to stick with the race stopped to fix her pony-tail, I kept my pace. And pace I did. Eventually, I caught up with the one (and passed) I thought didn't train (phew).

And so I continued. Just me, the road, the finish line, and the other hundreds of strangers.

I ran. I ran. I walked. I ran. I walked. I ran and ran. And then I came around what I thought was the last corner...and I booked it. Running like the wind. Mentally pushing me to go just a tiny bit faster. Came upon the 3 mile marker (a little exhausted with the idea that the end wasn't where I thought it was) and went a little faster. I tried to remember just how much longer than 3 miles a 5k was. I tried to think about all the things I'd read in my running magazine about form and the mental strategy of 5ks.

I crossed the finish line strong, pushed to my limit, but proud.

I can't tell you if it was a personal record (PR) cause I don't usually pay any attention or remember the number terribly long. But I can tell you I finished 5 minutes before the first next friend crossed the line.

But the thing that stands out about this race was more that I did it for me. There was no running partner. There was no cheerleader (i.e., PC waiting for me at the end). Just the feeling that I knew I could run this fast and finish this strong. That I was strong. And that, my friends, was better than any PR or any winning.

In love

Second interview in Dream State yesterday. As I was climbing into bed out of pure exhaustion last night, it was weird to think that I'd traveled across the country (vertically, not horizontally) and back in a day.

Generally, I think it went well. I don't think I'm in love with the new supervisor, but I liked supervisor's supervisor, and super super supervisor.

I'm in love with the location - only a block from a major site and the most gorgeous gardens that scream "have lunch here!!!" And more importantly, I am in love with the job - in love in the sense that it's a text-book disaster that will provide years and years of things for me to work on.

As I was running this morning, I was kind of reflecting on yesterday. What I learned. What I saw. What I heard. What I said (damn internal critical monologue).

In sum, what makes me nervous about the job is:

I get the feeling it's kind of like when someone has gone through a bad break up, thinks they really want to be in a new relationship but isn't ready, and so when they date (i.e., interview) they ask all the questions they thought would have prevented the first breakup, and just turn out being seen as bitter by their date. I get a strong sense of hurt, disappointment, and fear around the person's decisions to leave who I'd be replacing.

My gut says yellow. My heart says green. My sense of risk avoidance says orange (more because of cost and effort to relocate).

And PC? Well, he's taken a first step towards finding new work in Dream State. Many more steps to go - but I'm proud of him nonetheless.