It's getting old

It's getting very old. This applying to new jobs. I've easily applied to another 5 positions since last I wrote here.

I'm tired of looking. I'm tired of revising resumes and cover letters. I'm tired of getting my hopes up that THIS one will get through. One I applied to last week was perfect. Good job, good location, good pay, and perfectly amazing company in which I'd likely spend most of my salary on their products. Today though, I looked for the job announcement in a few places...and they all seem to be pulled down...suggesting they hired someone. I was rationalizing that perhaps they were just tired of paying the fees to have their jobs posted, but I don't think that's the case.


I saw one that just opened up in the last few days. It's known (I think) for quality work.Amusingly, it's also the company that Rock Star works for.

But, it means another evening of revising. This position more broad than what I'd been applying to recently. Actually, now that I think of it it's broad like my current position is - which is the part I like about it.

(refusing to get my hopes up)

The job I interview for and was pretty sure I got...well we're several weeks out now. I've followed up a couple times and got responses about a week later on both. They say there's one more candidate they are waiting for before they make a decision.

Perhaps.

But, I'm beginning to think I don't want to work for a company that treats their job candidates like this. I like to relate work and dating - and you know you can't have much to hope for a new 'relationship' is a little wonky even in the courting - honeymoon phase. I don't have to tell you how it's going to turn out in the end.

As far as this constant applying. I think I've worked myself into a depression.

No, let me revise that statement.

My work situation is so bad at this point that I pray on a daily basis that I will get a call. Every day I experience the new common feeling of my chest tightening in anger at something new that has happened. My inability to get out of this situation or make it good in anyway is depressing me.

The research suggests that when a person takes active control of their situation it reduces the stress of the situation. I thought that sending out a couple of applications a week would do it. And, it did for a while. But now, as the wait continues to get that first call, I find myself feeling helpless to get out of my situation. Yes, I'm doing something...but once that something is out of my hands, I lose control as the resume goes out into the ether.  I try to remind myself that four of the jobs I applied to are notoriously long in responding to applicants - if at all. But, I'm finding even that frustratingly depressing because it means it may be months before I hear anything, plus time to negotiate, and then the on-boarding that (I kid you not) will take easily a month.

So you see. I'm potentially looking at being right where I am work wise in the new year.

I'm beginning to think of all these dramatic gestures I could make at work. Going to the boss-boss who seems to like me to see if they will move me. Or, going to the boss-boss-boss who I've actually worked with quite a bit up until recently. I want to believe that they will have the power to change things. More likely, however, it will further tarnish my relationship with my boss with little additional benefit to me.

So I made another therapist appointment. I don't know if my drugs aren't working anymore, but this (whatever this is) isn't working either.  Unfortunately, it's four long weeks out.