Standing up for the right reasons or pride?

I'm having an internal debate. Mostly because PC won't firmly take a side.

Here's the thing, I'm often a bit more sensitive to what I consider injustices - to myself and others. Top this off with my recent fascination with women's leadership books.*

Last week my boss and I received an email from someone who is doing some work for us. While Boss and I both have the expertise to do the work our organization often hires others to do it. Boss and I had recommended a change to a product based on our experience within the organization and based on what we believed would make the product better.

The other outside person responded back with several reasons why our suggestion would not work as we expected. I respect the opinion of those doing the work and I believe the reasons provided were valid and well thought out.

However. The email was laden with what I perceived as condescension. 

Here's a completely vague example:

Dear Boss and Abbey,
We have thought a lot about your suggestion (a very good suggestion). However, we believe the suggestion (which was good) might not work as you expect. We believe that while your suggestion was very good:
1. Blah blah blah is more widely used that yours (which was very good)
2. Yours (which I might add is excellent) might be more difficult for several reasons.
3. Blah blah blah.
If once you've tested out our way, and you still think your way (which was perfectly good) is better we will change it with no questions asked.

Thanks for considering our offer :) 

Yes, those parentheses comments were actually included. Yes, they actually said in writing that if we don't like our way (which we are paying them to do) won't be questioned if we still disagree. And YES there was a smiley face.

A few pieces of additional context:

This project was recently run by someone I like to call The Devil. The Devil's quick to make firm decisions with no rational based in expertise and then intimidates people into not questioning. Early in the project the Devil had made a significant decision (which we did not know about until it was handed over) that influenced the life-span of the utility of the project to less than before the project would be over. Basically completely ridiculous, a theoretical, and not blessed by higher-ups to whom Boss and I will now answer to because it is ours. It seems that while the people doing the job negotiated to expand the decision somewhat, it was still going to make the product completely useless.

Second piece of context. Boss does not rock the boat. Ever. Boss gets angry, vents to me, and then it goes no further. Boss' been doing this job for 20 years.

Third piece of context. I appear to be in my mid to late 20's despite my actual age and the people we are working with are connected with me on linked in so they know I've had my degree for 2 years and they've been doing this work for 10. 

So when this email came out, I immediately responded to Boss saying I was trying very hard to not roll my eyes. Boss called, we discussed, agreed it was condescending, and Boss said we'd just go with their recommendation because it was easier than arguing. Boss responded back to the others with a 'sounds good'.

What!

Alright, so here's my internal debate (assuming you made it this far). I'm fine with the possibility that the other idea is better and I am not one to insist on my way because I don't know everything and perhaps they are right. I'm even fine with giving them the opportunity to let us pre-test their recommendation. What I'm not ok is what I perceive as platitudes to our expertise and desires for how the product should be done. I think because Boss does waffles, poses desires in the form of questions and excepts no as an answer, and doesn't like confrontation that the other people think that they can speak to us this way. And, based on my reading women have a tendency to suck up these kinds of subtle slights in an effort to maintain positive relations but lose their credibility and authority.

I think this is a good opportunity to expect and request to be treated with the respect that I have earned as a professional in the field and as a subject matter expert who has an appreciation for how our organization really works.

So, I'd like to call the sender of the email on Monday and explain that I appreciate the recommendations and the rationale that was clearly well-thought out. However, whether it was intended or not the email itself was condescending and I'd appreciate it if she'd reconsider that approach with me in the future. (actually I can't come up with a good second half after the condescending part).

What do you think? How would you position your feedback to this person if you think it's appropriate to address it?


* I've been reading Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office (a quick read with some interesting tips) and Her Place at the Table (a harder read but also targeted in making sure you prepare yourself for moving up the career ladder). I highly recommend both.