It made me think

When I was deciding to move to Dream State, I thought about the history, the architecture, the job opportunities, the change in seasons, the wine festivals, the change in general...

What I didn't think about is that Dream State is a hot spot when it comes to being a target for those not thrilled with the US. That attacks, bombs, shootings, and the general desire to have innocent, collateral damage to make a point would become a part of the fabric of my life.

Maybe not every day exactly but having to go through a metal detector every day and having my lunch scanned every morning is just a tiny indicator that the level of danger in my day to day is higher.

When I got a text update this afternoon that police activity was causing a disruption to the metro I take to and from work every day and can be seen from my work window, I didn't think a whole lot about it. I imagined someone getting into an altercation that had to be broken up by the authorities. Not long after the first text, I got another update that my station was being closed due to police activity. Not long after that, another update about a suspicious package.

Making the trek to the window to see for myself what was going on, I could see that police tape had been strung up to block off the roads around my building and a bomb robot was being deployed.

At first, the robot seemed a novel thing that the average person doesn't get to see. Rumors began to circulate that other nearby buildings had been evacuated.

Discussion of an alternate metro came up...but that perhaps a taxi was a better idea...that we should remove our IDs as we exited our offices so as not to draw attention to ourselves...

Fear began to set in.

I realize I didn't become a victim today. I realize that to the best of my knowledge the suspicious package didn't turn out to be a bomb. I realize that everything is ok.

But it made me think. I haven't done anything wrong. I have no strong political stances. Yet, because of where I work, who I work for, and where I live, my life may someday be sacrificed in a war that no one fully understands. In a war that in some ways, only exists in the minds of delusional extremists.

I don't know that I'm too terribly excited about all that.

Though, I am pretty damn excited that PC arrives to visit tonight. I need a hug.

It's weird to think that we're hoping the PC will get news that he'll be layed off in December.

Weirder, I am feeling a bit of anxiety.

Pick a side

I just want to say, first, getting up at 5am to run should count twice. It should count an extra time because it's flipping cold here in Dream State at 5am. Like 50 degrees. In Florida, I had to run at 6am to be in 80 degree weather.

I digress.

So, as you could imagine I'm not terribly pleasant at 5am, especially when I'm running and I'm cold. Weirdly, however, I am by no means the only one out on the road. It is very, very, very weird to me just how many people are on the road running and biking in this freakishly cold weather and freakishly early hour.

Again, not my point.

My point is, anyone on the road running at this hour is by no means a novice. Well, perhaps I sort of am, but I'm considerate. Which counts for 'not novice'. Yet, I cannot tell you how many people I want to push into oncoming traffic because they have no seeming awareness that the sidewalk is actually made for two-way traffic and they aren't a fucking parade.

Today, I'm running along, trying not to freeze and die or die then freeze when I come across three people across worth of runners.

THREE!

Now any normal threesome would see me coming along and one would slow a bit to allow for me to pass.

These bastards did not, and I nearly grazed the building as I tried to squeeze past. Clearly, it was too dark outside still for them to see my death glare of disgust. I cursed them in my head and continued.

I completed my halfway point and started back. I get to a portion of my path that's a bridge. I nice wide bridge made for pedestrians. It's gotten later since I began so there's more pedestrian traffic.

More bikes. More runners. So on, and so forth.

Not so oddly enough, I catch up with my threesome.

Only now they've spread even further apart to utilize all of the bridge space, and continue to cause runners in the opposite direction to squeeze through. However, as a bike whizzed towards them I did notice they quickly moved. I tried to use that little gap of bike space but nearly got squished again.

This time, in my most annoyed voice, I said "excuse me".

I tried to again use my death glare.

Almost done with my run, I'm heading back into civilization only to come across someone coming out of StarSucks in her little business suit (I'm not hating, just describing). And she is literally weaving down the center of the sidewalk looking at her coffee cup.

Um, eyes on the path when walking, Coffee is a-okay without a chaperone. Promise.

So again, I'm trying to judge which side to pass her on. I barely make it past her and I seem to almost frighten her as I jog past. Which, I find particularly odd since I'm by no means a ninja runner. In fact, I've been known to not pick up my feet totally so I make occasional scraping sounds.

Here's what I want to know.

WHY do people seem to be oblivious that there are normal courtesies on sidewalks? I'm not asking for friendly chit chat. I'm asking you to pick a side...it doesn't even have to be the right side. Just a side so that normal people can go about their business and we can all continue to not make eye contact and not make small talk.

Okay?

I'm just saying, I may be from the south, but not the nice part of the south. I'll give you a verbal smack down before 6am without a thought. I'm just biding my time to see if people tend to hit or scratch first.

Thanks, kisses!

Non-negotiable

I had this weird sense of nostalgia today. My college years specifically. In fact, if I hadn't had to wash it, I totally would have been in my college sweat shirt today.

One of the non-negotiables in my future 'permanent' apartment with PC will be an in-apartment washer and drier. In all seriousness, it would not have been a negotiable now if not for the fact that I'm on a month to month lease in a furnished apartment within walking distance of a metro...so something had to give.

Anyway, there is something to be said for being able to do 3 loads of laundry simultaneously...but, I was totally waiting for some random to come talk to me while I was organizing my unmentionables. Talk about peer pressure for getting rid of any of my old, non-VS bras and panties.

Luckily, no one spoke to me over my unmentionables. No clothing appears to have been stolen. Two socks seem to have committed hari-cari and ripped their heels out...which I find extremely odd that two  socks with the same injuries would have shown up in the same load when there was no sign of near-death when I wore them last. But alas. Perhaps socks will be on the list of 'athletic wear for the freaking frozen tundra' that Dream State is quickly becoming.

Fall colors of Dream State

Frankly, things aren't going well in Abbey-land these days. I don't want to write about it here because my thoughts, emotions, and feelings change from hour to hour, day to day. I don't really have a good hold on what's happening, and to what degree it's The Crazy or The Gut.

But, my response to all of it has been an attempt to stay as healthy as possible. Keeping busy, spending time with others, preventing a downward spiral. Today, this is what I went to see...have I mentioned that I love Dream State?

Peek a boo

I don't think I've described my housing situation since I've moved to Dream State. I'm living in what I've been calling corporate housing. What I mean by that is that it's furnished, it's well situated for my work location, and I'm on a month to month basis. What I was looking for was low commitment so that when PC did move up, we could easily find a place together between where we both worked, and so that I didn't have to move anything up with me.

I literally showed up to my place with two suitcases and a carry-on.

Perhaps this is how other corporate housing type places work, I don't know cause this is my first one, but this is how it works here: I searched for corporate housing, found something that met 90% of my requirements, and turned up no negative reviews via google searched. So, I sign this lease sent to me via email. I provide a credit card number in which they bill a reasonable deposit and a signature. They send back the lease copy and a combination code. I arrive to find a lock-box of sorts on the door wherein I enter the code, a little door opens, and I can get the keys that open the door. When it's time to leave, I give notice, clean the place and put everything back where I found it, return the box to the door with the key inside. Deposit is refunded to credit card when it's found ok.

It's brilliant really.

The thing is, I don't know if I'm just not smart, was tired, have little experience with lock boxes, or it was just plain hard...but it actually took me quite a while to get into that bastard little box. And, once you get it open and unlock the door, you have to catch the box because it's basically stuck between the door jam.

Having lived here for nearly a month, I've noticed the doors around me with similar boxes. Every day, I check to see if some the boxes come down, new ones go up. I've also started noticing there's a distinct noise when someone on the hall is going through the little lock-box game. I've also noticed, I have this nearly insurmountable urge to stick my head out the door to see who's 'moving in' to share a little comraderie with people that are also staying here temporarily for whatever reason. So far I've resisted. I wonder what I would have thought as I cursed the little lock to please let me have my key with all my luggage around me, having survived the seperation from PC, the flight, and the cab ride to my new 'home' if someone had poked their head out and said hello (or just took a peek as I would do).

I love what you've done with this!

Like many of us, I tend to dismiss compliments. I tend to assume doing my job is pretty much basic expectations. Friday, I was asked to review a document going to higher levels in my organization.

Having had a bit of the case of the Friday's, I wasn't terribly motivated to work on the document. But, as per my usual approach, I worked pretty efficiently for the last hour and sent it back over the fence with the claim I didn't want to go too far with revisions without checking it was what was desired.

My approach gives the desired appearance of deference and work completed, with the knowledge I won't get feedback until at best Monday. Professionally supported laziness you could say.

This morning I was greeted with the printout of my edits, and the loud compliments of "I love what you did with this paper!"

I was bowled over. Love?

I worked on it intermittently throughout the day, and before Supervisor left for the day I promised a final draft  before I left this evening. Again, I was told I'd done a really great job with it so far, had a way with words that were articulate and politically correct, and presented in a much more professional manner than her usual "slopping it on paper".

Inside I cheered with the rather loud compliments (i.e., anyone in the office at that time of day would have overheard) and cringed with the idea that a PhD with my degree and quite a long history with my industry "slopped" things on paper for upper management. It's no wonder we're often not heard and that hiring me (i.e., my degree) was really going out on a limb.* I have some initial hope that perhaps with some well framed (and professionally presented) ideas, we might get to make some significant changes in the coming year.

God I love my job!

*I've been told on several occasions since starting that while my degree probably has a lot to offer, it's not really well understood in my organization, and therefore not terribly valued. It was apparently a novel thought when during my interview I said that trying to sell my degree to management was less important than just getting the recommendations I have to improve the organization approved...and then if they happened to want to know what my degree was...I'd be happy to enlighten them.

Friend-making is like dating

Making every effort to ward off loneliness in the new city, I've taken to joining these groups with similar interests in which events are planned in advance. Perhaps you've heard of meetup.com?

Anyway, having had some success with the website in old city, I knew it would be the best way to go given:

• I know like 3 people in Dream State
• There is no end in sight for when PC will arrive
• Seasonal depression (which has been hinted at by the locals) mixed with regular propensity for depression shouldn't be fed by too much alone time.

Having attended several of these events, I have to say making new friends is a lot like dating. I hate dating. I like the theory of dating, but the whole: does he like me, what should I wear, where do we go that is neither too expensive nor mc donalds, what do I not reveal too soon, did I make an unfair snap judgement, how true to one's self are you - is just a lot of freaking effort.

I've discovered the same dating hub-bub is true in making friends too. Here's some similarities I've noticed:

1. Online friend making makes you wonder if everyone there is too much of a loser to make friends in person. Then you realize you too are on the website and are conflicted by wondering if you're a loser too or if there are exceptions to the rule (like yourself) that are like gems in the rough that you just have to find by attending many of these dates meet-ups. If you've done Match or eHarmony, you know you eventually have these same thoughts.
2. Dinner at the local Mexican place seems like a great plan and you RSVP: yes. You look forward to the event all week, imagining all the great conversation, and the day arrives only for you to realize you have nothing to wear. What you wear sends a message. Do you want to say preppy? successful? casual? messy? sexy? mexicany? Because these people (or your date) has never met you before, you get to make up new who you are. But before you choose the look, you think through how long you can maintain preppy. You only have one preppy outfit...you get lost in the idea you will have to buy a whole new wardrobe of preppy...but perhaps those attending tonight hate preppy in which case you lose the battle before you start...you begin to consider canceling, but realize you'll never meet anyone in your living room and you've got a great personality so they will love you no matter what you wear. You then realize women are probably more critical than men and wish you were actually going on a date than meeting up with a bunch of women. Perhaps alone and friendless isn't so bad. You promise yourself this is the last event you'll attend just to get through this since you already said yes.
3. You arrive and go through the usual: what do you do? Is this your first event (date)? How long have you lived here? Where did you go to school? What area do you live in? All questions to determine upfront how much effort will be required to be friends if you're determined to be similar-enough-to-me and a good friend match.
4. After about 30 minutes of this, you've pretty much identified if they are duds, potentials, or definite friends. The third category being similar to love at first sight, often described as "I knew I'd marry him when he walked in the door" in the dating realm. This third category is obviously the unicorn of dating and friend making. In the group setting, it has happened that I've actually found them all to be duds and watch the clock wondering how quickly you can return home. However, feeling guilty that perhaps you judged too quickly, you try to find some redeeming qualities. Much like a story Rented Life described, you sometimes agree to meet up again thinking maybe, just maybe, it was just a bad first date meeting. But how many times do you try again before you give up? My rule in dating was three dates, but I often found that it was actually harder to get out of the fourth date because Dud thought there was 'something good between the two of us'. In some cases, you see some potentials.
5. The end of the date meetup arrives, and there's that awkward point where people sort of group up and begin exchanging phone numbers and talk about meeting again outside of the group. You worry that no one will want your number, you worry that the duds will ask for your number, you worry that the potential will not ask for your number, you worry that you will not (and you probably won't) remember the name of the person(s) who ask for your number which makes for awkward cell phone entries. Trust me when I say, I have several entries in my phone with just a few letters and meetup behind it. There's also been several nights where I stood to the side while people exchanged numbers and I just said good night and insisted I had a great night too.
6. Days later, no one calls. You wonder if you should call. You wonder what you should say if you do call...do you suggest an outing? How many meetups are required before you can just call to chat without having to have an outing as a reason to call - the real sign of the transition to friendship.

Allegedly, the effort is worth the outcome.

Watch your step

I spent the week learning how the organization does what I was hired to do. Frankly it was fascinating to see how my degree translates to this industry, when in some ways my degree was created because of this industry.*

In short, I learned a lot but I'm not sure how to take what I learned to make my job more efficient at the moment. In long, I learned that there are people out there in the organization running amok. While that doesn't complete surprise me, it surprises me when I come face to face with one of those people. Many times when this particular person spoke I had to internally just shake my head. Truly an idiot.

When I learned that this person was currently being accused of the one thing you really don't want to be accused of in my industry...it again didn't really surprise me. What did surprise me was that he was personally selected to attend these meetings with me to provide feedback. This confused me because that seems like an opportunity of influence and that didn't really align with what perception I had of this person.

But since it seemed like he had the ear of those in power in my organization, I played nice.**

When I returned to my office this week, two things happened.

First, Idiot sent me job posting for PC that would be perfect for him. Just outside of Dream State, but doable. And, ironically, for an arm of the organization I just left.

This again confused my little perception of idiot. He's in the know, and yet an idiot. He does nice things, and yet I don't want to like him.

Second, my direct powers that be came by to let me know I should keep my distance from Idiot. That Idiot is being watched.

Um. Ok. Yet I was put directly into Idiot's path...and for those of you keeping count, this is the second person I've been told to keep my distance from. I'm beginning to think the key is to keep one's nose to the ground...and yet the social political network has never seemed stronger or more important in my career. I sense the next year will be full of mines.

Does someone have a mine detector they can share?

*I can imagine how that would be a confusing statement if you don't know what I do. And, I don't want to share too much.
**I need to learn to play nice even when I don't think the person has influence.