Friend-making is like dating

Making every effort to ward off loneliness in the new city, I've taken to joining these groups with similar interests in which events are planned in advance. Perhaps you've heard of meetup.com?

Anyway, having had some success with the website in old city, I knew it would be the best way to go given:

• I know like 3 people in Dream State
• There is no end in sight for when PC will arrive
• Seasonal depression (which has been hinted at by the locals) mixed with regular propensity for depression shouldn't be fed by too much alone time.

Having attended several of these events, I have to say making new friends is a lot like dating. I hate dating. I like the theory of dating, but the whole: does he like me, what should I wear, where do we go that is neither too expensive nor mc donalds, what do I not reveal too soon, did I make an unfair snap judgement, how true to one's self are you - is just a lot of freaking effort.

I've discovered the same dating hub-bub is true in making friends too. Here's some similarities I've noticed:

1. Online friend making makes you wonder if everyone there is too much of a loser to make friends in person. Then you realize you too are on the website and are conflicted by wondering if you're a loser too or if there are exceptions to the rule (like yourself) that are like gems in the rough that you just have to find by attending many of these dates meet-ups. If you've done Match or eHarmony, you know you eventually have these same thoughts.
2. Dinner at the local Mexican place seems like a great plan and you RSVP: yes. You look forward to the event all week, imagining all the great conversation, and the day arrives only for you to realize you have nothing to wear. What you wear sends a message. Do you want to say preppy? successful? casual? messy? sexy? mexicany? Because these people (or your date) has never met you before, you get to make up new who you are. But before you choose the look, you think through how long you can maintain preppy. You only have one preppy outfit...you get lost in the idea you will have to buy a whole new wardrobe of preppy...but perhaps those attending tonight hate preppy in which case you lose the battle before you start...you begin to consider canceling, but realize you'll never meet anyone in your living room and you've got a great personality so they will love you no matter what you wear. You then realize women are probably more critical than men and wish you were actually going on a date than meeting up with a bunch of women. Perhaps alone and friendless isn't so bad. You promise yourself this is the last event you'll attend just to get through this since you already said yes.
3. You arrive and go through the usual: what do you do? Is this your first event (date)? How long have you lived here? Where did you go to school? What area do you live in? All questions to determine upfront how much effort will be required to be friends if you're determined to be similar-enough-to-me and a good friend match.
4. After about 30 minutes of this, you've pretty much identified if they are duds, potentials, or definite friends. The third category being similar to love at first sight, often described as "I knew I'd marry him when he walked in the door" in the dating realm. This third category is obviously the unicorn of dating and friend making. In the group setting, it has happened that I've actually found them all to be duds and watch the clock wondering how quickly you can return home. However, feeling guilty that perhaps you judged too quickly, you try to find some redeeming qualities. Much like a story Rented Life described, you sometimes agree to meet up again thinking maybe, just maybe, it was just a bad first date meeting. But how many times do you try again before you give up? My rule in dating was three dates, but I often found that it was actually harder to get out of the fourth date because Dud thought there was 'something good between the two of us'. In some cases, you see some potentials.
5. The end of the date meetup arrives, and there's that awkward point where people sort of group up and begin exchanging phone numbers and talk about meeting again outside of the group. You worry that no one will want your number, you worry that the duds will ask for your number, you worry that the potential will not ask for your number, you worry that you will not (and you probably won't) remember the name of the person(s) who ask for your number which makes for awkward cell phone entries. Trust me when I say, I have several entries in my phone with just a few letters and meetup behind it. There's also been several nights where I stood to the side while people exchanged numbers and I just said good night and insisted I had a great night too.
6. Days later, no one calls. You wonder if you should call. You wonder what you should say if you do call...do you suggest an outing? How many meetups are required before you can just call to chat without having to have an outing as a reason to call - the real sign of the transition to friendship.

Allegedly, the effort is worth the outcome.