Good and bad and good and bad

Good:
Just had three pairs of pants taken in about 2 inches. It had gotten ridiculous that my pants were all but falling off with the weight I've lost. There are worse problems I suppose.

Bad:
I don't have any clothes that really fit for our upcoming vacation this week.

Good:
I had an interview last week that would get me out of the hell I call a job.

Bad:
I haven't heard from them a week later, and yes, I sent them a thank you note the day after the interview. I've never not gotten a job I applied to and I'm beginning to get worried.

Good:
I've developed some 'friendships' at work based primarily on happy hour.

Bad:
I seem to have developed my arch-nemesis at work which is getting more and more out of hand. I've heard boss has said that I'm beating up on this person. I finally found the nerve to go talk to my boss about it. He alleges he 'considers the source' and thinks I'm a great performer. This isn't the first time he's lied to my face. Oh, and she told on me and my 'happy hour' crew to my boss who then took it out on someone in the office that didn't even go to happy hour with us.

Good:
I got a conference proposal submitted this week. I included boss and boss' boss on the authorship to build some political points.

Bad:
In the course of one conversation boss told me if it wasn't a blind review he'd be embarrassed to have it submitted with our name and affiliation on it and would in fact not allow me to submit it and this was the first time he'd ever seem me fall down on the job BUT that it was a really good paper, very well written for it being written in only two days (by myself). I've easily had 10 papers submitted at this conference over the years - boss? Maybe one? 

Good:
There's a couple of job openings I can apply to this weekend (though it will likely take months to hear back)

Bad:
Got confirmation last night my current boss didn't want to hire me last year. I'd come to this hypothesis based on a couple factors. The largest one is that he chose a crappy candidate over the amazing candidate because he was worried the better one would leave. The crappy one is who I competed against last year. When we got the opportunity to hire another person, he actually strongly resisted calling the amazing one. I will forever wonder if a job I didn't hear back about was actually because I was too good for the job (and I don't mean in the unqualified kind of way).

Decision isn't a decision until there's an option

Last week I interviewed for the second time with this particular company - this time in person. It was a long day of meeting someone new in the company every half hour or so. I started off the day with an activity I'd do on the job - a case study so to speak. Mid-day I had lunch with someone I'd supervise. And I concluded the day with the CEO. Somehow that last interview went from a scheduled hour to several hours. I attribute this extension more to his liking to talk than to me per se. Overall, I'd say I got along with about 50% of the people I spoke to - the other 50% were awkward (I'm not sure if that's my fault or theirs). It's a relatively small company so I'd say I met around half of everyone there.

I fully expect an offer.

I think the job would be interesting. It would be back to a lot of analysis and a heavy emphasis on publishing - which I haven't been doing much of lately.

Here's the weird thing about it. I'm hesitant about the job because I keep thinking - I hate analysis. I hate writing. Yet, in every job outside of my graduate work I've looked for opportunities to gather data and publish. So, it's hard to say I actually hate it. Furthermore because my coworkers at my current job have integrated 'data' into my nickname.

I enjoyed the experience of interviewing (I almost always do). I like the location it's in - lots of shopping, cute places to eat, trendy - though the location is kind of a pain from a commuting perspective. I like the topic area of the company. I believe them when they say they are growing rapidly and well positioned when this particular niche becomes even more prominent.

And I keep thinking "I just cannot stay where I am" so this HAS to be better.

Today I came to the realization that perhaps I'm so so because I'm positioning it as either-or in my head. I wonder if I had other options if this would make this position more or less attractive. That said, I don't really know how to look for jobs other than those on my professional society website. Monster etc are completely useless in my experience. I can't mention it on linkedin because current coworkers are linked to me. I've gone to the websites of some of the places I know hire my type of skills but there's nothing that jumps out.

I guess the decision isn't a decision until an option presents itself to make a decision about.

Or something.

How'd we get here?

I'm trying to be excited about my second interview with a company. I don't know why I'm so...eh about it. Meanwhile, things at my current job have deteriorated to the point my boss no longer makes eye contact with me. Mean coworker continues to tell boss that I'm mean to her and boss has bought it hook-line-and-sinker. In fact, boss has begun dismissing my work - in fact my work was literally redone last week by mean coworker because it was 'all wrong'. Boss has even begun telling others that I need to be a team player.

I'm not sure how we got here, but I sure as hell don't know how to make it better without starting over somewhere new. In all of my experiences and all of my knowledge of organizational dynamics...I have zero recommendations for someone if they came to me with this same story.

I am sad that my dream job has come to this.

But, it's why I need to dig deep to be excited about this interview this week. I have to hope for a good offer that will make my leaving my current job and it's benefits not idiotic.

I don't know if my 'eh' is a warning sign (we see where excitement over dream job got me) or if it's a sign that I'm finally getting over hoping that work will be everything I thought it was supposed to be.

Dare

Earthquake, hurricane, and the tornadoes no one has mentioned stemming from said hurricane...I think we've about got all the major natural disasters taken care of in less than 7 days.

I dare mother nature to throw in a blizzard this week.

Facing mortality

It's not often I really consider 'this could be the end' outside of being on airplanes. That is until I was racing down 12 flights of stairs, barefoot, in the hopes that my building wasn't going to crash down around me before I could get out.

There's a lot of joking about the over reaction to the earthquakes today. And yes, in the grand scheme of things it wasn't so bad. But in the course of living it...you don't know that.

When the rumbles first started, I assumed it was construction on the floor above me. As the rumbling continued and became more pronounced, I thought bomb.

In Dream State, bombs are a very real possibility. In fact, since I've been here I've had my building evacuated to clear for a bomb across the street. That too was a day I considered what would happen if I didn't get home.

But as the rumbling continued and the shaking became more pronounced - I stepped into the hall way, making eye contact with someone who works across from me, both of us wondering if we were feeling what we were feeling. As our eyes met we both decided we were getting the hell out of there.

Grabbing purses and removing heels, we raced down the flights. At the 6th floor, I couldn't believe we were only at 6. As we continued down, my legs started getting weak just from the fast pace and heavy impact of being barefoot.

Outside, we saw all the buildings around us had also evacuated. I suppose it gave me some solace I wasn't over reacting.

But, with after shocks a very real possibility - who knows what to do next? I certainly had no plan to be on the 12 floor. I also realized there was no way I was metro-ing home. Um, I've been to Universal Studios on the Earthquake ride. I know how that plays out. With a city of people evacuating, I wasn't going to bother looking for a cab. Too far to walk home (never mind my apartment building also evacuated and were not allowing residents to enter - so there was no point in trying to get home).

Add to this heat...and ugh. So I did the next best thing. I walked to a restaurant, had a few drinks and some happy hour apps, and headed home a good 5 hours later.

Walking back to my apartment I noticed other buildings with signs stating "Enter at own risk".

All of this made me consider the possibility I could die much earlier than in my twilight years. It could be tomorrow as easily as it could be 40 years from tomorrow. I was reminded today, I need to update my beneficiary to PC. Having share debt, even if only an apartment and utilities, I know neither of us could afford to continue here if one of us was no longer here. Previously, I'd had my sister as my beneficiary. At the time it made sense. I liked thinking it might be a windfall for her where ever she was in life. But today, I realized I have a sense of responsibility for the good of my partner and the life we've chosen to lead.

Not a team player

Perhaps I'm unable to get along with people. It's got to be me because I'm already upset and feeling passive aggressively towards my certificate class project team.

Here's the back story:

1. A communication plan was created as well as a shared document identifying everyone's tasks for the week.
2. Had a conference call to discuss work to be accomplished mid-week as it's due on Sunday nights.
3. Silence until today - even though I turned my part in on the day we had the conference call.
4. One team member has clearly not read or understood the assignment of tasks as she did all the work I had not done. Other team member checked in to say he was only turning his part in (um, ok. That's kinda what you're supposed to do).
5. Team member who's done the remaining work now wants feedback on Sunday evening.
6. I kind of don't want to since the agreement on the communication plan explicitly said all material had to be submitted no later than Saturday afternoon.

I realize life happens. I realize my choice to do my part early was exactly that - my choice. I also realize that doing things early is not my style so I can appreciate the last-minute-ness of it all. However, a similar thing happened last week so I pulled things together quickly and got it all turned in.

Here's my thoughts: when you're working with people on drastically different time zones...pull your shit together so I'm not up till the middle of the night.

Debating what to do. Grand scheme of things - I'm not going to get a letter grade for this and if they don't care to get their shit done...I'm not picking up the slack again this week.

Fizz away!

First batch is made. Now waiting for them to dry fully to see if they hold together or not. I have to say, overall, it's a pretty easy little hobby.

It may also be kind of addictive - I'm already thinking about all the things I could add to the basic recipe to make them more unique. These were the basic recipe with just a little color added to the spritzing water and two of them have eucalyptus scent added. I've also gotten two types of salt to add (epsom and sea), clay, aloe butter, and something to make them bubble.